Top 10 #1: Top 10 Best Numbers Between 1 and 10

And so we come to the end of a particularly daft enterprise. But better to reach an ending than to abandon a program unfinished, right?

Hm. Either way, I've now finally reached the most profound and meaningful of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists:

It's

The Top 10 Best Numbers Between 1 and 10!

10. 9

9. 5

8. 1.01

7. 3

6. e

5. π

4. 6

3. δ

2. 2

1. φ

Why these numbers, you ask? Hypothetical reader, I am glad that you ask (or in fact, that you allow me rhetorically to ask you).

9

It's the biggest numeral we have: after 9, all we have left is 0 again. Also, it creates a hypnotically symmetrical square, which is kind of neat, don't you think?:

5

Symbolism, magic, political power: that's 5. It crops up surprisingly often, if you look for it.

1.01

This should be an obvious choice, shouldn't it? It's 1, but it's a bit more than 1. It's a symbol of improvement, of education, of progress. Doesn't it make you feel better, just looking at it?

3

The smallest number that's big enough to be genuinely numberish. 3 things are enough things to create a whole bunch of problems that literally can't be solved. 3 contains enough complexity to generate a universe.

e

It's a bit more than 2. It's all natural. It's a pleasantly fractal concept to base your logarithms on, if you need some logarithms. And hey, who doesn't need logarithms? Who doesn't like logs? Who doesn't like rhythms? Answer: nobody! (FACT.)

π

Obviously.

6

For making us happier, and in particular for giving us the best opportunity to giggle at New Zealand accents.

δ

By which I'm talking about the Feigenbaum constant, 4.669201609etc. This number emerges at the heart of complex systems like the weather, or the economy, or pretty much every system of interacting relationships in our world. This constant is our sublime proof that chaos theory is not chaotic. So, you know; it's kind of important, and it's kind of neat.

2

The loneliest number, next to number 1. (So, it's not so lonely.) This can still be problematic, but it's also pretty nice.

φ

By which I'm talking about the number of the Golden Ratio, 1.6180339887etc. (And yeah, the Silver Ratio probably also deserves some respect, but that's another story.) This number is the ratio of ratios: it's everywhere, even when it's not, and it's the reason that most nice architecture and design looks so nice. For services to aesthetics, recognised & unrecognised: thanks, φ.

Cheers.

--the listless thoapsl

Top 10 #2: Top 10 Actors That I Can't Remember The Name Of, But Then When I See Their Faces I Go "Oh Yeah, I Know Them"

I knew this list would be tricky. How do I list the actors whose names I can't remember, when by definition I can't remember their names? Luckily I must be some kind of genius, because I've done it. Take that, logical paradox!

I had some strict conditions for this list: they had to be actors whose identities I honestly didn't know, but whose faces I definitely knew. I also wanted to avoid the big-time character actors whom I know well enough to almost remember the names of, like the great J. T. Walsh or Jeffrey Jones. So! The latest of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists:

It's

The Top 10 Actors That I Can't Remember The Name Of, But Then When I See Their Faces I Go "Oh Yeah, I Know Them"!*

10. Harris Yulin

I almost never watch TV crime shows, but this guy has been a judge a bunch of times, hasn't he? Or maybe I'm just thinking of Ghostbusters II. (Loved that movie.)

9. Juliet Stevenson

Oh man, how the hell do I know her? She's so familiar, but I have no idea.

8. Donal Logue

Oh yeah, it's that slightly-chubby-supporting-actor guy. Man, he's been in a ton of things.

7. Mickey Jones

Yeah, that guy! The guy who won't shave his big scraggly beard, so he always gets cast as "old biker" and "guy with beard"! That's a niche and a half.

Also, he was the drummer on Bob Dylan's 1966 world tour after Levon Helm quit. (True!)

6. Cara Seymour

It's really hard to find a distinctively recognisable image of her face, but I know who she is when I see her – and according to IMDb, she's had supporting roles in a ton of films that I've liked. Red Riding, Hotel Rwanda, Birth, Adaptation, American Psycho, Dancer In The Dark ...

With great credits like that, you'd think I would remember her name by now, huh?

5. Clancy Brown

Yeah, this guy! He was in Carnivale, and he had a small part on Lost, and he was in Starship Troopers? And some other things? And also he looks a bit like that other guy, the one who played that alien guy on The X-Files.

4. Jane Adams

You remember, she was in that creepy-but-very-good Happiness film? I can almost remember her name, but not quite. And she always seems to be in things with that other guy.

3. Marshall Bell

You remember this guy? He's been in a whole bunch of things: gym teacher in Nightmare On Elm Street II, deformed freak in Total Recall. Bunch of tv shows, too. Ring any bells?

2. Hope Davis

I am absolutely on the verge of remembering her name in the future. She's charismatic as hell. (Also: what did you think of Synecdoche, New York?)

1. Joey Slotnick

Oh, man. This guy. This poor guy. I feel like I've seen this guy playing a geeky "Loser Guy" in movies and on tv forever. I feel like I should be feeling sorry for him, and I don't even know who he is, let alone why. (Though, maybe I'm getting him slightly confused with somebody else who looks a bit like him?)

Man. How odd.

*PS: I know it would be better to say "actors that I can't remember the names of" rather than "name of", but for humour's sake that entire sentence is a clumsy and inelegant construction in the first place, so get off my back, grammar pedants! Settle down! :)

--the Editorial Thoapsl

Top 10 #3: Top 10 Sports That I Expect I Will Never Play

Sports are like those secret conspiracy societies; if they don't recruit you into their New World Order by your mid-20s, chances are you'll never get to meet the Lizard Emperor. By which I mean, it may now be too late for me to take up amateur kickboxing.

Other hand: some sports, I don't even like the idea of playing! Ten years ago, I would have given myself an at-least-remote chance to do virtually anything; but whether from lack of desire or lack of opportunity, I figure there are now plenty of sports that I will never actually play. As in, seriously: never.

A chilling vision of things not to come? Either way, here's the latest of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists.

It's

The Top 10 Sports That I Expect I Will Never Play!

10. Triathlon

A way to ruin your day at the beach, and to ruin an otherwise pleasant bicycle ride. No!

NOOOOOOO!!!!!

9. Polo

The traditional horse or elephant, that is. (I've alluded to my feelings about horses before.) I am possibly open to bicycle, however.

8. Parkour

Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger . . .

7. Sumo

And sacrifice my trim figure? Heck no! Also, it's apparently kind of corrupt.

6. Curling

Not that I wouldn't be happy to play a good curl, given the opportunity – but I live in a rather temperate clime, and where am I going to find the right kind of big flat stone and stiff broom? Anyone know?

To be fair, I probably won't soon be playing any sport that features in the Winter Olympics. (Unfortunately? What do you think?)

5. Hurling

Yeah, what? No, apparently Hurling is this:

What? No thanks.

4. Pelota

I don't have anything against pelota; it just seems kind of unlikely. When was the last time someone asked you to play pelota? Also (apparently): it only exists in Florida so that people can gamble on it. And the ball moves so fast that it kills people. Hmm.

3. American Football

I actually quite like watching this game, it's a pretty great spectator sport . . .

. . . but how and why would I ever actually play it?

(Also, I will not put on a helmet and shoulderpads AND lycra pants. That's just asking for trouble.)

2. Lacrosse

I'm not even sure what lacrosse is, honestly. Is it an American thing? Something like pelota, but less fatal? The sport of youthful American yuppies? Baskets are involved, somehow? I'm completely unsure; when it comes to US culture, 1980s high school movies only tell me so much.

1. Golf

Because golf is the game of bastards, frankly. The game of media magnates and corrupt politicians. The game of racial discrimination and upper-class privilege. The game of Auric Goldfinger.

Also: so difficult! Why do they make the hole so tiny, and so far away? It's the game of bastards, all down the line.

Top 10 #4: Top 10 Least Respectable Titles Of Philip K. Dick Novels

I'm a big fan of Philip K. Dick, but his reputation has problems. Despite writing a lot of deeply intelligent and seriously "literary" fiction, most of his work was originally published as science fiction – and in the city of literature, SF is usually considered a contemptible ghetto. (To be fair, most books published as SF aren't very good; but on the other hand, most books aren't very good, either.)

This is all a shame, but Dick's reputation isn't helped by the frequently bizarre titles of his works. Even the great and memorable ones – Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, and Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said – are still kind of daft. And they're often unusually long, which puts a lot of people off; that's probably why those first two titles were renamed Blade Runner and Total Recall for the movie remakes*.

Many of Dick's books are great, but some people just can't get past the ridiculous, oh-so-science-fictiony titles – "I'm not reading that!" – and it really is a damn shame. So with that in mind, here's the latest of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists.

*Both those movies are only loose adaptations of the original stories, it should be pointed out. Very, very loose.

It's

The Top 10 Least Respectable Titles Of Philip K. Dick Novels!

10. The Zap Gun

This one almost works, actually – it's so plainly generic that it almost feels ironic (which it is). But it's still embarrassingly generic.

9. Confessions Of A Crap Artist

I assume this was bowdlerised for publication, and should really have been Confessions Of A Bullshit Artist (or is "bullshit artist" only an Australian idiom?). As it is, it doesn't seem to quite make sense – is "crap artist" even a real phrase? Either way, it's a misleading title for what is actually a very serious, sad and intelligent novel (and also, fwiw, not science-fictional at all).

8. Our Friends From Frolix 8

The "our friends from" tag is an intriguing allusion, but you can't take any book seriously when it's about a place called Frolix 8.

7. The Three Stigmata Of Palmer Eldritch

Oh, come on. "Palmer Eldritch"? Seriously?

6. Galactic Pot-Healer

Anything with "galactic" in the title always sounds like a parody. And "pot-healer" sounds like a weird drug reference. (However: believe it or not, the book really is about a guy who "heals" ceramic pots. Yeah. A pot-healer. Honestly – who would guess that from the title?)

5. A Maze Of Death

Hopelessly generic title: it sounds like an episode of Doctor Who. (Probably a very entertaining episode of Doctor Who, mind you – but it's still not respectable.)

4. The Crack In Space

Hopelessly generic title, and it allows for bum jokes.

3. The Game-Players Of Titan

Game-players from Titan are not a topic of respectable fiction. They're just not. (As far as titles go, it's also bereft of drama and very boring.)

2. Dr Bloodmoney, Or How We Got Along After The Bomb

It's not a parody of Dr Strangelove, yet the title is a direct reference. So it doesn't even make sense, except as the tackiest of marketing strategies; it's just odd. What were the publishers thinking?

1. Clans Of The Alphane Moon

Any fiction that uses the word "clan" (without also, at some point, using the word "kilt") is raising a red flag; to me, it's always going to look like some crappy fantasy novel. And if it also uses the word "moon", I'm going to go straight ahead and logically assume that it's all about caveman sex.

(You just clicked on that "caveman sex" link, didn't you? Yeah, I know what you like.)

And there you have it.

Gosh, I sure hope my new home internet connection is active by now . . .

Top 10 #5: Top 10 Pseudonyms Used By Undercover Ticket Inspectors On Melbourne Public Transport

Finally – one of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists that may actually save your bacon!

For those of you travelling on public transport in Melbourne, whether train, tram or bus, take heed: always beware the ticket inspectors. You should always travel with a valid ticket, of course – but sadly, a valid ticket is not always sufficient to escape the punctiliously merciless attentions of a determined inspector. And of these ticket inspectors, one must be-particularly-ware of those who travel undercover: watching and waiting with secret identities, no uniforms to announce their power, the shiny Inspector badge materialising only when least expected . . .

It's

The Top 10 Pseudonyms Used By Undercover Ticket Inspectors On Melbourne Public Transport!

10. Sue Denym

9. Brandy Alexander

8. George Soros

7. Faith Popcorn

6. Seymour Butz

5. Jijuana Tequila

4. Clint Eastwood

3. Venger McHellraisin

2. Germaine Greer

1. Jeff Kennett

Now you know. And knowing, as you may have heard, is half the battle.

Top 10 #6: Top 10 Pop Culture References That Will Make Me Feel Nostalgic For My Childhood, I Hope

Okay, people. This one is personal. So personal, in fact, that anybody who reads this list will surely be able to figure out not only just how old I am, but also precisely which elements of pop culture I was most receptive to as a child. And yes, yes, it's a damnably geekish list. (Although, on the other hand – when you're talking about pop culture, what's not geeky?)

So, the latest of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists:

It's
The Top 10 Pop Culture References That Will Make Me Feel Nostalgic For My Childhood, I Hope!

10. The Seven Cities of Gold! (It was actually called The Mysterious Cities of Gold, but that's not how I remember it.) They get this big golden boat, and later on they get this big golden bird-plane thing?

9. The theme from Inspector Gadget. And from the show itself, especially that story where they're in this big house and it gets completely flooded with water. But mostly just the theme.

8. Ulysses 3000. (It was actually called Ulysses 31, but that's not how I remember it.) The crew is frozen, hanging in space, unconscious and just floating up near the ceiling of this big metal room . . .

7. Hot jam donuts, sausage rolls, twisties, icy poles. And sunnyboys, even though I'm not sure I ever actually had one myself.

6. The Mac Plus. Especially when used to play the original Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? game. Especially the "typewriter" sound effects.

5. The original line of Transformers toys (the ones with metal in them!), and The Transformers: The Movie. By which I mean the real Transformers movie, the one with Orson Welles as the voice of Unicron.

4. Doctor Who. Especially any Tom Baker story where someone slowly transforms into a hideous monster. (There are a bunch.)

3. The Super Nintendo. F-Zero, Street Fighter II Turbo, Super Mario World, Super Mario Kart. And NBA Jam, and Super Ghouls 'N' Ghosts, and StarFox. And Castlevania. And all that glorious 8-bit sound! And everything else. And the original NES console and various Segas, too, I guess . . . but most of all, the Super Nintendo, summer of 1990-91.

(video not entirely related, but you should probably watch it anyway.)

2. LEGO. Glorious, brilliant, spectacularly wonderful Lego.

1. The Rage outro, on a Saturday morning at first light.

So, did these references actually make me feel nostalgic for my childhood?

Hard to say.

What about you?

And what are you nostalgic about?

Top 10 #7: Top 10 Ambiguous Sporting Team Nicknames

This one is clearly the most dull of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists. However, it does have nice pictures, and also I spent at least a minute writing the hidden mouse-over text. Enjoy!

It's

The Top 10 Ambiguous Sporting Team Nicknames!

(And all from completely genuine top-rank sporting teams, btw . . .)

10. Dockers

9. A's

8. Reds

7. Packers

6. Clarets

5. Steelers

4. Wednesday

3. Bills

2. Blues

1. Cardinals

Mostly taken from USA sporting teams, of course: American sports, you will agree, are clearly more . . . ambiguous.

Enjoy yr afternoon

-Thoapsl

Top 10 #8: Top 10 Song Titles That Are No Longer Hits When Rephrased As A Question Instead Of As An Assertion

Ah, January. Yesterday I bought a 7 kg frozen turkey from the supermarket, ex-Xmas stock, half price: a bargain of the delicious! While I wait for it to defrost, I'm stocking up on carrots and re-reading Margaret Fulton recipes for sage & onion stuffing. I also purchased a parsnip. (No, parsnips do NOT taste like wood! They taste good! Shut up!)

And now: the latest of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists!

It's

The Top 10 Song Titles That Are Not Longer Hits When Rephrased As A Question Instead Of As An Assertion!

If you can figure out all of the pre-rephrased song titles before you click on the links, you are clearly excellent.

10. Can You Always Get What You Want?

9. Who Are The Champions?

8. What Will I Always Do?

7. What Part Of You Do I Wanna Hold?

6. What Kind Of Pie Is She?

5. 2 What Do U Compare?

4. What Would I Do For Love (What Wouldn't I Do)?

3. In What Position Am I Stuck, And With Whom?

2. In What Way Is It Like A Stone?

1. At What Point Should You Stop?

Right on!

(And yeah, #6 is dubious, but I couldn't resist.)

Did you get them all? What other assertion-into-question song titles should I have used? Let me know in the comments. This is important. Probably. "A blog without feedback is like a dirty sock", they say.

Also: any turkey-roasting hints? I am open-minded, cookery-wise.

Cheers

Top 10 #9: Top 10 High Concepts Improvised In Less Than One Minute

Yeah: as I figured it might, turkey did not permit me to publish very much this week. (Also I've been visiting folks up in the country, not that that's any excuse – they do have the internets up there, too . . .)

But anyhow, with that introductory ado adone – here's the latest of my Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists!

It's

The Top 10 High Concepts Improvised In Less Than One Minute!

10. Soup On A Plane

9. The Zombies Eat Jim Carrey

8. Cop Who Plays By The Rules

7. These Dinosaurs Are Driving Me Crazy!

6. Limousine To Hell

5. Six Guns, One Bullet

4. Party In Hitler's Brain!

3. No More Puppies!

2. The Killer Is Calling From Inside Your Hat

1. Lasers On Ice

One day, I will write a movie script that will get made.

I'm pretty sure a few of the ones on this list have already been done, though. And #5 actually sounds pretty cool, don't you think? (Ah, who am I kidding, they all sound awesome wicked cool . . .)

Now, I look forward to seeing at least one person claim in the comments that I don't really understand what "high concept" means. Don't let me down, people :)

More Top 10 Top 10, coming soon!

Love, Thoapsl

Top 10 #10: Top 10 Albums of 2009 That I Kind Of Thought About Buying But Then Didn't (Part Two)

. . . Continued!

5. The xx — xx

Yeah, so apparently they make a big deal about the "xx" being lowercase. I'll try not to hold that against them.

This band has been making waves lately; they don't look cool, and not looking cool is an excellent way to be cool, but that's not why people are paying attention to them. What makes the xx unique is their sound, which is incredibly stripped back: as other bloggers have noted, they make four musicians sound like two. That kind of sonic restraint is incredibly rare in modern pop. Even better, they have the skills to use this restraint in service of some really spectacular tension-&-release songwriting. It's quite unlike anything else out there right now, and it's great.

But not great enough for me to spend money on it just yet, apparently.

4. Red Riders — Drown In Colour

Their debut album, Replica Replica, should have been a much bigger success – the damn thing was absolutely crammed with excellent, hard-edged guitar pop. But Red Riders don't seem to have the right image for success, or something; they're just too tuneful for the hardcore, too artsy for the popsters, too Sydney for the Melbourne. And apparently one of their (multiple) singer-songwriters has left them since the first album, which is a huge shame; they could have been so much more, if they'd all stuck together . . .

But that's people, I guess. In the meantime: if the second RR album has half as many kickarse songs as the debut, then it will be worth buying. Either way I'll be buying it eventually, I'm sure.

3. Lily Allen — It's Not You, It's Me

<Embedding disabled by request, morons>

Aw, look – she's just so damn pleasant! I don't know what it is, but there's something about Lily Allen that I just find massively, ineffably appealing. I feel like I probably shouldn't like her music, but I do. It's neat, sweet pop; the lyrics are usually way more clever than they should be; and even when it's bitter and sardonic, which is most of the time, it's also damn nice. At her worst, she's not quite right, but at her best she's excellent.

2. Sarah Blasko — As Day Follows Night

I've written about Sarah Blasko before, but I guess I like to repeat myself.

Sarah Blasko is excellent. Her latest album appears to be even better than her previous albums, which were also very good. Enough said?

1. Florence And The Machine — Lungs

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Florence is epic. I'm not exactly sure how she ended up at #1 on this list, though; her legs may have carried her over the line, I guess. That and her voice, which is astounding. I'm not usually the kind of person to be too impressed by a conventionally tuneful singing voice, but her voice is simply huge; the album title is apt. I've no idea if the rest of her album lives up to the interesting potential of the few singles I've heard so far, but I'm sure it's worth a shot. That, and I worry that she'll beat me up if I don't give her money.

And there you have it – Top 10 #10! And I'll be posting Top 10 #9 will before New Year, turkey permitting.

Merry Xmas!

--the Musical Thoapsl

Top 10 #10: Top 10 Albums of 2009 That I Kind Of Thought About Buying But Then Didn't (Part One)

I didn't buy many albums this year; partly because I had less disposable* income, and partly because I've been unsure whether to buy music on CD or via iTunes (and sometimes indecision = no decision). I used to love the physicality and security of a real CD, but these days I usually listen to music through my computer or iPod, so are CDs still worthwhile? My bookshelf full of CDs still looks nice, but it's not so convenient. A few years ago, my collection of CDs was my personal music library; today, it's just an insurance policy in case of hard drive failure.

(Don't even start me on those horrific CDs with the most hardcore copy protection, the ones that won't even let you copy the music into your iTunes library . . !)

And I never buy DVDs, because I figure that the DVD is already a dead medium; so isn't it past time for me to give up on the CD, too? What do you think?

I've been watching Rage regularly all year, so I've heard & seen the singles from practically every new album release of 2009. A lot of these singles made me want to go buy albums, but I don't always do what I want. Here are the Top 10 Albums of 2009 That I Kind Of Thought About Buying But Then Didn't.

(Note, also: when I say "didn't buy", I don't mean "downloaded illegally". I don't like to do that; and it's not like any of these albums were inaccessible or overpriced or only available via an inconvenient delivery mechanism, such as certain television programs might be said to be, hypothetically speaking. Aside from the music videos, and/or songs freely available on myspace, I haven't actually listened to any of these albums.)

10. The Fiery Furnaces — I'm Going Away

Blueberry Boat, the FF's second album (from 2004), is absolutely brilliant. It's bizarre, it's dense, it's complex, and it's very long. I had to listen to it three times before it actually made sense to me. That might sound like a bad thing, and it usually would be, but not here: it's an album that rewards you for paying attention, for remembering that the melody you're listening to now is an echo of the melody from thirty minutes earlier. It's unique, entertaining, catchy and very, very smart.

So yeah, Blueberry Boat impressed me hugely, to the point that I was kind of obsessed with FF for a while. I even saw them live (and they put on a fantastic live performance, too). But every one of their albums since 2004 has been mediocre by comparison, even after repeated listens and much effort on my part. Widow City (2007) was occasionally excellent, but only occasionally. Bitter Tea was mostly weak. And as for Rehearsing My Choir . . . I mean, I really wanted to love that one. I wanted to enjoy it. I did not.

And that's why I haven't bothered to buy this new album: I've been burnt. The single (above) was good, but not mindblowing. Their most recent album (Widow City) was worthwhile, so I'd like to think that I'm Going Away is another step up, but I'm not willing to wager money on it. Not just yet.

9. Yeah Yeah Yeahs — It's Blitz!

I've always kind of liked the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, though I've never been a huge fan. But I always thought their songwriting was clever, and this album looked interesting; the singles were pretty good, at least. I'm kind of fascinated by the way they've changed their sound, too. It should seem like they're selling out, the way they've changed from punky-spiky-00s-rock into an 80s synth-underground feel – it's like a rebranding from one zeitgeist to the next, *cynicism* – but somehow, it just doesn't seem like a sell-out. Their new songs are good, and surprisingly subtle. Their new sound isn't a bland pop makeover. It's worth listening to.

But I actually haven't bought it yet.

8. Crystal Antlers — Tentacles

Intriguing mix of psych-ish music under really grungey, 80s-punk vocals. (I really love the vocals – guy's got an awesome voice.) This single is probably their least impressive song, I think, but some of their stuff available elsewhere is pretty spectacular. Also, I'm building a collection of albums by cool bands with the word "Crystal" in their name.

7. Golden Silvers — True Romance

The vocals are so English that it's almost distracting; together with the early-80s everything else, they obviously wish they were guesting on The Young Ones. But the more I hear of these guys, the more impressed I am by their pop songwriting & arrangement chops. It's really excellent stuff – the kind of clever, retro-but-not-pointless pop that only England ever seems to produce (see also, Mystery Jets). Damn fine. Even if I don't get a copy of their album this year, I'm sure I haven't heard the last of them.

6. Arctic Monkeys — Humbug

Arctic Monkeys had such a meteoric rise to fame, and were so damn young and pretty, that their passage through the NME meatgrinder-of-adulation very quickly became the sausage of hipsters' casual dismissal. But they don't deserve to be dismissed: the original fame & adulation was well deserved, because their music at its best is absolutely excellent. Their first two albums were simply great. I haven't bought this third album yet, but I know I will eventually; if it's not also great, I'll be very surprised.

Gosh, there are more words on this list than I thought there'd be! I guess I have more to say about these albums than I thought I would. I'm going to have to split this post in two.

Back soon, with the top half of the Top 10!

(And don't worry, btw – the other Top Ten Top Tens will involve far fewer words than this, I promise :)

*all income is disposable

Top 10 Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists

We're coming up to the end of the calendar, which means only one thing: the mediasphere wants more lists. Yes, MORE lists. Endless, endless lists: Best Songs, Most Culturally Poisonous Films, Top 10 Everything, et cetera. MORE LISTS! And this year even more so than usual, because it isn't only the end of 2009: it's the end of the '00s.

(Speaking of which: how did we manage to live through an entire decade without being able to name it?* The Aughts, the Zeroes, the Noughties, the Nothings? – no. This was The Decade That Nobody Could Agree On The Name Of. When Generation Z grow up, how are they going to label their childhood nostalgia? We're not making it easy for them . . . And even worse, what the heck are we going to call the next decade? Are we really going to call it the "Twenty-Teens"? Seriously? I'm freaking out, man)

So, people like lists. You know this. It appeals to the human instinct for pattern recognition, I guess: people like seeing things ordered and labelled, we like to know what's important. That's why "Best Of" lists are always among the most popular blog posts, right?

But on the other hand, I'm kind of sick of Top Tens. The lists are almost always hopelessly subjective – which is fine – but they're also usually pretending to be objective and authoritative, which pisses me off no end. That list you just wrote up, that list you just read, over on that other blog? Please, internet, stop taking that list seriously. A list is not a table of statistics. It's a mixtape. For goodness' sake.

With this in mind: here's my Top 10 List of Top 10 Lists That Don't Really Deserve To Be Top 10 Lists.

10. Top 10 Albums Of 2009 That I Kind Of Thought About Buying But Then Didn't

9. Top 10 High Concepts Improvised In Less Than One Minute

8. Top 10 Song Titles That Are No Longer Hits When Rephrased As A Question Instead Of As An Assertion

7. Top 10 Ambiguous Sporting Team Nicknames

6. Top 10 Pop Culture References That Will Make Me Feel Nostalgic For My Childhood, I Hope

5. Top 10 Pseudonyms Used By Undercover Ticket Inspectors On Melbourne Public Transport

4. Top 10 Least Respectable Titles Of Philip K. Dick Novels

3. Top 10 Sports That I Expect I Will Never Play

2. Top 10 Actors That I Can't Remember The Name Of, But Then When I See Their Faces I Go "Oh Yeah, I Know Them"

1. Top 10 Best Numbers Between 1 and 10

I'll actually be posting all these lists between now and the end of the year. No, wait – there's barely 10 days left in the year, that won't work. How about I post these Top 10 Top 10s between now and the end of, say, January? Or, at least no slower than once per week? Sure, at least!

Yeah, that's right. Watch me.

See you soon :)

*& cheers to M("F")V for reminding me about this, just the other day